Desks & Dayjobs

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 21: Swords & Solitaire

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 21: Swords & Solitaire

It’s a split party party, dear listeners, and you’re invited! Agnes, Brube and Gerbbi are hot on the trail of Stevi Smoothstone, but a sudden storm pushes them into their local CVS (Cures, Vitamins & Swords) to find some rain gear… and danger. Meanwhile, Maxwell and Stuart plead their IT case to Mr. Cortez, the very intimidating and very boring supply manager. Can Maxwell and Stuart, who aren’t heal boys, survive a run in with this surly solitaire lover? And will Agnes’ new power over others, and the influence of Gerbbi, make her turn to a life of crime?

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 20: Doors, Dogs, and Danger!

 The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 20: Doors, Dogs, and Danger!

Hello, Dear Listener! Sit down and hear my tale of a Thursday morning! Our heroes have gathered in the office of Hobe Shadetree to get their day’s assignment only to find the Heroic Herd have assembled to “help.” Under orders from the stern hobgoblin middle-manager Thaddeus Warman, they divide to conquer, with one group setting out to help install some supply ordering software on the computer of a sinister employee, and on group following the Herd’s trail, hoping to beat them to Stevi Smoothstone. 

The Hoffman Chronicles: Oh No…It’s a Leveling Up/Live Show!

The Hoffman Chronicles: Oh No…It’s a Leveling Up/Live Show!

Greetings, Dear Listener! Our heroes have completed another day of work and quests at NPC Inc., so now it’s time for them to briefly drop character to talk with DM Hobert about some fun home-brew changes coming to the characters as they reach level 5. But we know that not everyone can get down with a leveling up ep (you should though, if y  ou want to understand who Party Fred and Brains MacKenzie are!) so we’ve also included our live episode from the Chicago Podcasters Unite event at C2E2! Eat your D&D vegetables and then treat yourself to a some D&D dessert!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 19: The Heroic Herd

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 19: The Heroic Herd


I hope you like arcade games, dear listeners! Because our heroes are determined to play them. With drinks in hand they head deeper into Horseplay and deeper into the clutches of Jackson Bloodskull-Williams. Is his invite to join him and some of his new pals in a little tournament of games a trick or a treat? And when faced with competition, will the heroes of the Apple Barrel Gang choose to fight dirty to protect Hobe?

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 18: Maxwell in the Middle

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 18:  Maxwell in the Middle

Time for a little R & R for our heroes, dear listeners! After making their daring escape from the HR Dungeon, they’ve found their way to the Marketing department’s possibly snack-themed “Goodbye Tracy Vista” party. Can our heroes navigate the choppy waters of social interaction, or will the wounds they sustained during their HR trial make them cagey, flustered, and really bad at flirting? With a widening rift developing in the group, our heroes set out for the arcade bar, HorsePlay. Hopefully they can make it there in one piece (emotionally)!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 17: It’s Lunch O’Clock Somewhere

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 17: It’s Lunch O’Clock Somewhere

Our heroes are between a ghoul and a wolf place, dear listeners! They have to tame the wild side of their friend Stuart and then fend off the terminally boring Norman and his HR co-workers, Bob and Suz. I believe in them, but do they believe in themselves? I guess you’ll find out in this next chapter of our tale, in which our heroes try to escape the paperwork pit, attempt some shopping montages, make and break deals with old foes, and discover a secret about Brube’s torso.

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 16 also: Touch the Ghouls

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 16 also: Touch the Ghouls

Oh dear listener, our heroes are trapped in the Paperwork Pit! Will they escape the clutches of Weird Norman (no relation to Weird Al) or will the allure of looking at birthday cards draw their attention from their escape mission? Oh, I sure hope they can hold out against these spooky undead co-workers, listeners! I mean, surely this group of ragtag adventurers, when faced with a tomb of monsters, wouldn’t go up and immediately try to touch them, right? Ah jeez, you’re right. They’re definitely going to try to high five the monsters.

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 16: Ted Talking the Talk & Ted Walking the Walk

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 16: Ted Talking the Talk & Ted Walking the Walk

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have been hauled off to the ScenarioTron for a test of their business skills. Or is it a trap!? Ah, dear listeners, you know it’s a trap! Can our heroes escape the banal-yet-friendly digital clutches of Ted the Electronic Coworker? And once they do, how will they while away the time it takes to make it through Mr. Kammen’s seemingly endless line? Perhaps with a  trip down memory lane, a battle with an old foe, and discussion of email body positivity?

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 14: Monster MasHR

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 14: Monster MasHR

Greetings, listeners! Good to be back here in 2019, telling you the tale of our heroes, the Apple Barrel Gang, as they begin their Wednesday adventure. Though they are well rested from their successful quest to destroy the S.I.E.G.E., they now have to face the gauntlet of horrors that await them in the HR department! Can our heroes keep themselves from being part of Dr. Gregsteen’s twisted management methods, or will they be crushed (emotionally) by his menacing underlings before they even make it to their appointment?

The Hoffman Chronicles, Interlude: The Tip of the Golden Triangle, Pt.2

The Hoffman Chronicles, Interlude: The Tip of the Golden Triangle, Pt.2

*Psychedelic Sitar* The Feyboy Gang is as high as they’ve ever been (in both drug and penthouse floor terms) but they still have work to do. Hot on the trail of the mysterious Prof. Gregsteen and the vivacious Salamander Cigarette scion Salleen Cindermander, they delve deeper into the penthouse. Can our heroes get the photos and quotes they need, or will they lose their sanity before they ring in the New Year? 

The Hoffman Chronicles, Interlude: The Tip of the Golden Triangle, Pt.1

The Hoffman Chronicles, Interlude: The Tip of the Golden Triangle, Pt.1

*Jazzy Trumpet* The Feyboy investigations crew is back at it, baby! This Swingin’ New Year’s Eve our heroes have been dispatched by their magazine to attend the party of the mysterious and magnetic New Mind Guru: Professor Yohann Gregsteen. Tonight he is taking his closest colleagues and devotees on a journey to the Tip of the Golden Triangle. Stick out your tongue and receive the Professor’s blessing...and see if you mind can take the view.

A Miracle on NPC St. 2: Gift of the Gerb-i

A Miracle on NPC St. 2: Gift of the Gerb-i

Ho Ho Ho! It’s me, Santa Claus! I’m here to introduce this year’s Christmas special! I hope you enjoy it - even though it’s just chock-a-block with swears, drunkenness, and anime references - and I hope you’ve had a very Merry Whateveryoucelebrateorchoosenottocelebrate. That’s a holiday this podcast is trying to make a thing. Do you think it will catch on? Ho Ho Ho, let’s check in with our heroes, who are spending a snowy evening in the festively decorated break room of NPC Inc exchanging gifts both sincere and shitty. Tis the season!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 13: Meatba1!s

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 13: Meatba1!s

Dear listeners, our heroes have locked Chris, Destroyer of Interns, out of his office and now they must face a spicy meatball of a battle! Can they handle the might of a middle manager? Will new friend Gerbbi Richardson prove himself as Agnes’ new intern? What secrets lie in the liar of the Destroyer of Interns? A way to save Starp and the Grayguard? Or just a not-to-shabby camp comedy sequel?

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 12: Carpe BM

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 12: Carpe BM

Greetings, dear listener! Our heroes are in quite a bit of trouble! Jackson Bloodskull-Williams wants them to report to his office ASAP to reprimand them for absconding with his new intern. Oooh, he sure is mad! And scary! Our heroes better come up with a plan quick, or their new friends are going to face the might of S.I.E.G.E.! Listen now to my tale of soda machines, interesting hats, and Gerbbi, the goblin everyone’s talking about!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 11: A Dab for the Dead

 The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 11: A Dab for the Dead

Hark, Dear Listeners! Listen to my tale of our heroes’ pre-lunch adventures! The dastardly Mercita siblings have begun their reign over marketing, and their first assignment is to transport a reassigned intern from Marketing to Sales. Will our heroes be able to navigate through the battlefield of the Sales floor and deliver Lugosh the Orc Intern (guest star Hart Wood!) to “Daddy Sales”? Or will they be waylaid by business goblins, oddly flavored vapes, and harsh “no clapping” policies?

The CondoHouse of Horrors, Vol. 2: The One Where Everyone Rides a Giant Moth

The CondoHouse of Horrors, Vol. 2: The One Where Everyone Rides a Giant Moth

Happy Halloween, dear listeners! Our heroes are taking a break from adventuring at NPC Inc to spend another night of terror and awkwardness at the condo of Orlando Jordan! Our heroes have invited some friends new and old to join them this year, but a sinister pall quickly falls over the party as they’re suddenly stuck babysitting a pair of eerie children. Can our heroes survive a night of sexy capes, nervous Pee Wees, human horsepedes, and dangerous Fort Night dancing? Or will they have…AN UNHAPPY HALLOWEEN?! The “stakes” (Ha! Vampire Joke!) have never been higher!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 10: A Unicorn I Gotta Meet

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 10: A Unicorn I Gotta Meet

Dear listeners, the clock ticks ever closer to the arrival of Linda Drakonis and our heroes are running out of time. With a card in hand and a battle on the horizon, our heroes must fight for either Team Taco or Thai Team (not confusing names at all). Will they bring peace to the Dragon’s lair and Cry’aig and Pal’a’s troubled marriage? Or will the arrival of Linda spell doom for one of our adventurers?

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 9: A.B.K (Always Be Kobolds)

The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 9: A.B.K (Always Be Kobolds)

Oh, dear listener, I hope you weren’t on the edge of your seat after our last episode, because if you were then this part of my tale will make you fall right on the floor! Our heroes are split, with Brube, Agnes, and Stuart being held captive by mundane conversation and Maxwell being caught up in a real pickle (not that pickles aren’t great! Let’s be fair to pickles, everyone). Listen now to my tale and hear a story of betrayal, envy, and Fantasy Netflix! 

The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 8: Journey to the Center of the Birthday

The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 8: Journey to the Center of the Birthday

A new day has dawned at NPC Inc., dear listener, and our slightly hung-over, clown-haunted heroes are at it again. Can they conquer their most difficult task yet: trying to decide what to do with their day!? Oh, of course they will! We wouldn’t have an hour long story about people just shootin’ the shit in an office and trying to decide what to do with their morning! Or would we? Seriously, we wouldn’t! They finally get off their butts and go on a quest like, ten or so minutes in. And it’s a very exciting, birthday-based quest! 

The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 7: The Rowdy Crowdy

The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 7: The Rowdy Crowdy

Hark, dear listener, Satanic Panic is about to take the stage! Are you as excited as I am? I already know the story and I can barely contain my excitement and desire to spoil all the surprises. There’s a monster fight! And music! And a brief but wondrous puppet show! I can’t even go on or I’ll spoil it. Will our heroes end their night on a high note? Or will is an evil force there to make them face the music?