Brandon Kirkman

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 25: Lunch & Order: Split Party Unit

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 25: Lunch & Order: Split Party Unit

It’s lunch time and our heroes are scattered to the wind, trying to save Gerbbi and Rory from the clutches of HR. While Tory tries to remember who she is, Agnes and Maxwell set off to find out the extent of Gerbbi’s (alleged) crimes, and Stuart heads off for his side quest at Chimera Software. Will our heroes be able to save those closest to them before they face the scorn of an HR inquisition? Will Tory be able to break free from the allure of simple life of record keeping, or will she fall into a spin off show we’re calling ToryVision? Will Agnes and Maxwell be able to mount a defense for Gerbbi, or did they already intimidate all the witnesses and destroy all the evidence, as good guys are want to do? And will Stuart make his meeting? And what office cultures will he discover deeper in the office of Chimera? Find out if they ever get to enjoy their lunches in this exciting episode!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 24: No (Fire) Escape

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 24: No (Fire) Escape

Hello dear listeners! Our heroes are hot on the trail of the mysterious corporate spy and they have a solid, well thought out plan to capture him while he eats his lunch. Surely our heroes won’t get distracted as they split to cut off the spy’s escape from the stairwell! That’s not the kind of people they are! Just kidding, they pretty much do that immediately in this thrilling episode filled with stairwell sneaking, Records room raiding, and prisoner taking! Will Agnes and Maxwell be able to stomach each other’s company, or will the smells of lunches on the other companies’ floors lure them off-track? Will Tory and Stuart’s attempt to lead on Mama Storybrook lead them to the K files, or will it lead one of them into a trap? And what’s up with Gerbbi’s solo mission? Find out in this exciting episode of “Files & Folders”!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 23: A Know Too Guy

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 23: A Know Too Guy

Welcome to 2021 and welcome back to Thursday, dear listener! Our heroes are still on the hunt, looking for the mysterious corporate spy they hope will derail Mr. Holder’s plan to terminate one of their co-workers. As Special Projects makes their way to the Sales floor to hunt for their strangely forgettable prey, Tory marches down to HR to demand the release of her brother from their punishing anger management training. As Tory nat-1s herself into the clutches of Mr. Kammen, will she be able to make a deal with the self-described Pharaoh of Forms to free her twin? Can the Special Projects group find anyone who’s seen the strange spy, or is the whole point of invisibility that you can’t see the invisible person? Find out in this exciting episode!

A Miracle on NPC St. 4: We Wish You a Merry Meatstick

A Miracle on NPC St. 4: We Wish You a Merry Meatstick

Ho ho ho! Seasons Greetings, dear listeners! It’s time for our Holiday episode! If you thought a RPG podcast that pretends to be in an office had become a fanatical concept in 2020, wait till you hear us pretend to be at an in-person company holiday party! In this year’s exciting secret Santa, our heroes once again gather in the third floor bedroom to enjoy some cookies, beverages, and camaraderie before turning against each other in the gift exchange. Get ready for a cookie-munching, mulled-wine-pounding, no-holds-barred festive free-for-all!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 22: GD, L, GD

 The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 22: GD, L, GD

Greetings, dear listeners! Desks & Dayjobs is back! Our heroes awake from their busy Wednesdays tired, hung-over, and ready to spring into action to stop the sinister machinations of Mr. Holder. Get ready for a day filled with mystery, intrigue, and coffee, dear listeners! Prepare to see the effect of hat promises made, and see if they’re hat promises kept!! Steel yourself against the threat of missing co-workers, office miscommunication, and an eerie new employee!!! All these mundane terrors and more await our heroes as they begin…THURSDAY. Welcome back to Desks & Dayjobs: come for the opening bits, stay for the famous cameras in the basement.

The Incident on Bray Road, Pt 2: A Bit of a Situation

The Incident on Bray Road, Pt 2: A Bit of a Situation

The moon is rising and the machinations of Dr. Gregsteen, Sgt. Harrison, and the mysterious Mr. Kammen are coming to fruition! With our investigators taking on their tasks to help the sinister sergeant with his scheme, they take some time to secretly plot a way out of this kooky, spooky science experiment. Ramona minces her meat but not her words with the menacing marksman, Mr. Kammen! Dr. Gestalt learns the tricks of his trade and tries not to trip up his backstory or accent! Arnie meets Pamela Godfrey, reporter for the Chicago Moon-Times, and tries to make sure she knows his muscly arms are the ones she should run to when trouble starts! And Stephen really, really, really wants a gun. Will our rag-tag group of strangers pull together to stop a beast from being summoned to Bray Road, or will they all end up as meat cubes in its fiery jaws? Find out in the thrilling conclusion to our Halloween Call of Cthulhu one-shot!

The Incident on Bray Road, Pt 1: Nun of Your Business

The Incident on Bray Road, Pt 1: Nun of Your Business

Muahaha! Turn down the lights and crank up the volume, it’s time for another Desks & Dayjobs Halloween Special! Our fantasy-office heroes are putting away their D20s and taking out their D100s as we dive back into the grim mysteries and scary settings of Call of Cthulhu! In this year’s trip to “Spooky Chicago, 1936,” our “heroes” are all down and out characters who turned to a mysterious “nun” named Mother Storybrook for help. When the favor they promised her comes due, they’re all sent - with secret missions and identities - to a hunting lodge in “Spooky Wisconsin” where the unthinkable is about to transpire. The heir to the Harrison Cheese fortune, Sgt. Einrich Harrison, has gathered a hunter, a scientist, and his assorted (and strange) staff to complete a strange and terrible experiment in supernatural science. Join us as a butcher, a baseball player, a bank robber, and a “psychologist” take a trip North and experience the terror of…THE INCIDENT ON BRAY ROAD! *Pipe organ car horn sound*

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 21: Bad Boys’ Night, Pt 3

Drinks have been drunk, apps have been eaten, and our heroes are ready for their respective date/boys’ night main events! At Drugan’s Pub, Maxwell and Tory split up with their coworkers to throw some darts, figure out what Tony’s deal is, and hopefully not irk the Keeper of Darts, Big Bruce. At Mangofly’s, Agnes and Gerbbi dive deeper into the mystery that is Loro McMorgan and her hard to understand (and hear) motivations. And at Puzzlebox Cinemas, Stuart and Amy’s date continues as they struggle through the boring and riff-able moments of Batgoblin Triumphant. Get ready for the exciting conclusion to our heroes after works plans, the full Brux Wings backstory, and an introduction that will set a new tone for our heroes’ Thursdays.

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 20: Bad Boys’ Night, Pt 2

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 20: Bad Boys’ Night, Pt 2

Date/Boys’ Night continues and our heroes are seeing new, somewhat ominous sides of their coworkers! Join us in this double-stuffed installment of our adventures for a continuing saga of stolen ride shares, cryptic movie tickets, cocktail sword fights, and so many alcohol-related constitution saving throws. Will our adventurers achieve the ultimate goal of this quest: to just have fun and enjoy themselves? Or will terrible corporate music, demons among them, and deadly door puzzles turn their merriment miserable? Tune in for this exciting episode, featuring a whirlwind tour of European erotic comedy classics and a lot of confusing sexual tension!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 19: Bad Boys’ Night, Pt 1

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 19: Bad Boys’ Night, Pt 1

The Wednesday is winding down, dear listeners, and our heroes have finally reached their long awaited (made three days ago) after work plans. With just a little juice still in the workday, our heroes find themselves confronting each other for ditching duties, flirting with co-workers, and calling in favors with dangerous people - ya know, normal work stuff - before heading off for a night of food, drink, camaraderie, and perhaps romance. Will Maxwell and Tori be able to stomach the first stop of the Boys Night revelry? Are Agnes and Gerbbi walking into a chain restaurant trap at Mangofly’s? And can Stuart overcome his nervousness and enjoy his first IRL date with Amy? Take a shot of a hot sauce and tune in to find out!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 18: Pizza & Pantsuits

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 18: Pizza & Pantsuits

Our heroes are barely holding on to their Wednesday work ethic, dear listeners. The excitement and terror of the lunch hour has thrown the afternoon into disarray! While Agnes and Tory take a quick (or so they think) trip to the Merrowwind Mall for some new outfits and some extra-greasy ‘Za, Stuart tries to rally the wounded (pride-wise) Maxwell and a particularly grumpy Gerbbi to run a secret training session for the Gray Guard. Can our heroes still accomplish their Special Projects tasks with a split party? Will Agnes and Tory find something fun and fashionable at the decaying mall, or will they be too creeped out by the languid mall workers and bail? Will Luke Goodboy be able to help Maxwell find the missing Management manual, or will Maxwell regret getting the incompetent assistant involved?

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 17: Are You There God? It’s Me, Maxwell

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 17: Are You There God? It’s Me, Maxwell

It’s lunchtime, dear listeners! Our heroes have left Chimera Software with READMEs in hand, and can now confidently take a little time to eat. Or, maybe a sudden barrage will of well-timed phone calls will distract them away from life-giving food and send them down a spiral of sudden shopping trips, mentor/mentee meet ups, and secret stairwell swaps. Will our heroes ever get to take their lunch breaks? Who is calling our heroes, and do they mean them well? Find out in this exciting episode where DM Hobert is suddenly asked to fantasy-up some brands he never thought would be mentioned, and also something transpires that will change the tone of this workday forever…

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 16: Highlights for Adults

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 16: Highlights for Adults

Our heroes continue their quest to “get over” hump day, dear listener! The Special Projects crew has ventured down to Chimera Software to find guidance on how best to teach their older co-workers and Tory is continuing to struggle to lead her team while battling nicotine withdrawals. Perhaps help will come to our heroes in the forms of a helpful assistant, a strangely involved security guard, and a little goblin that just keeps disappearing. Pick your favorite savory flavor of La Crouch and step into the smoking library, it’s time for another chapter of Desks & Dayjobs!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 15: Big (Your Name Here)

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 15: Big (Your Name Here)

Greetings dear listeners! Our heroes wake to greet a new day at NPC Inc. and there’s excitement on the horizon. With plans for date/Boyz nights ahead of them and pockets full of Gundam models, our heroes arrive - only slightly hungover and going through nicotine withdrawal - to face a day of secret software lessons, new faces, and a dreaded disruption in the mystical Work Flow. Can our heroes put their noses to the grindstone and get through their workday so they can enjoy their Wednesday night plans? Or will a quest for knowledge lead them to a world (and floor!) like they’ve never seen before?

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 14: No Nudes is Good Nudes

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 14: No Nudes is Good Nudes

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are once again scattered across their office finishing up Tuesday business and celebrating their victories over a day watering plants, making speeches, and…stealing cakes from old people. Will the end of the day turn their triumphs against them? Will prolonged exposure to Hobe Shadetree cause Maxwell to reveal his secrets? Will Tory’s decision to lead the Marketing department make a riff between her and her twin? Will a series of unfortunate rolls lead to a mess for Agnes and Gerbbi? And who the hell is this strange new employee that’s watching everyone, and who do they report to? Find out in this exciting episode that’s also a pitch for a savory version of La Croix!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 13: The Angels & Devils on Your Shoulder

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 13: The Angels & Devils on Your Shoulder

Our heroes have eaten and rested, dear listeners, but there’s still some work to do before their Tuesdays concludes! As most of the Special Projects group heads to the Sales floor to finish watering plants, Agnes goes to visit Mama Storybrook and Tory confers with her brother and the Marketing team about her impending speech. Are you ready for an end of day heist, dear listeners? Are you ready for a motivational speech that breaks all the rules? Are you ready for a lot of jokes about angels shitting on shoulders? Well if you are, go ahead and press play on this exciting episode!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 12: A Queek Peek

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 12: A Queek Peek

Greetings, dear listeners! The heroes of NPC Inc. are back, and happy birthday? It might not be your birthday, but for some reason the cast really wanted to wish you one anyway. To catch you up, our heroes triumphed over some of the accounting department’s meanest employees only to watch in horror as their manager Hobe Shadetree was pulled deeper into the foul-smelling, brutally cold accounting department. Can our heroes come up with a plan to pull Hobe from the “stink zone”? Or will they spend so much time experimenting with holding their breath, hacking the AC, and using plants to purify the air that Hobe is lost forever? Also when are they ever going to have time for lunch??

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 11: Don’t Dream & Drive

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 11: Don’t Dream & Drive

I hope you’re ready to get rowdy, dear listeners! Because in this all-battle episode, our players, much like the tides of battle, get pretty “turnt.” With Stuart and Tory already lured into the stinky hallway of the Accounting department, the others quickly scramble to fend off the aggressively singing receptionists, Ada and Brady, and a host of damp-looking clerks. Insults will be hurled! Commands will be commanded! A party member will experience a moment of bliss while looking at a painting! Gwen will misremember the plot of Jumanji And a dreaded Natural 1 will lead to a shocking conclusion that might change the Special Projects division forever…

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 10: If a Palm Frond Falls in an Office…

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 10: If a Palm Frond Falls in an Office…

It’s off to the Accounting floor for our heroes, dear listeners! With Tory in tow, they take a dive to the first floor of NPC Inc. to water some plants and hopefully glimpse the noble King of Numbers. But it’s a perilous journey two floors down, and danger may or may not lurk around every corner in the coastal-themed lobby of the newly renovated floor. Can our heroes water and prune all the plants in time for lunch? Or will a pair of fashionable receptionists lure them to their overpoweringly-scented graves?? And yes, listener, the sounds you’ll occasionally hear in the background are the sounds of record-setting rainfall in Chicago and a room full of birds. Enjoy this episode that also doubles as a relaxing “sounds of nature” mediation podcast!

The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 9: Bruce Springcheeks

 The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 9: Bruce Springcheeks

Our heroes are off on a safari, dear listeners! Well, really they’re just watering the plants around the office, but playing make-believe makes everything more fun! It’s whimsical! As most of the party tends to the offices’ many plants, courtesy of Hobe Shadetree, Tory takes some time to continue her quest to become the leader the marketing department needs and feels the first symptoms of her decision to quit smoking. Can Tory resist the urge and still remain her normal knife-sharp self? Can the others successfully pour water onto plants without damaging them or themselves with pruning shears? Will Luke Goodboy ever get to check his email?? Who is the mean intern who looks great in jeans, and why is he leading an incursion onto the third floor??? IS THE KING OF NUMBERS SANTA CLAUS??? Find out in this exciting episode!