Welcome Internet Travelers!
Come on in and sit for a while, and hear the tale of four bold adventurers on Desks & Dayjobs, a Dungeons & Dragons podcast set in the real, boring world! Based on the characters and classes from the fifth edition of the classic game, Desks & Dayjobs takes all that cool fantasy stuff and translates it to the mundane world of office life. Tune in to hear the adventures of Brube Camry the accountant (Dwarf Rogue), Hobe Shadetree the HR representative (Halfling Druid), Orlando Jordan the middle manager (Tiefling Barbarian), and Stuart Beacon the IT guy (Half-Elf Wizard).
Will our heroes be able to overcome the awkwardness of office social interactions? Will they be able to solve the puzzles of malfunctioning office equipment? Will they defeat the final, literal boss?
- Characters -
- Episodes -
Dear listeners, the clock ticks ever closer to the arrival of Linda Drakonis and our heroes are running out of time. With a card in hand and a battle on the horizon, our heroes must fight for either Team Taco or Thai Team (not confusing names at all). Will they bring peace to the Dragon’s lair and Cry’aig and Pal’a’s troubled marriage? Or will the arrival of Linda spell doom for one of our adventurers?
Oh, dear listener, I hope you weren’t on the edge of your seat after our last episode, because if you were then this part of my tale will make you fall right on the floor! Our heroes are split, with Brube, Agnes, and Stuart being held captive by mundane conversation and Maxwell being caught up in a real pickle (not that pickles aren’t great! Let’s be fair to pickles, everyone). Listen now to my tale and hear a story of betrayal, envy, and Fantasy Netflix!
A new day has dawned at NPC Inc., dear listener, and our slightly hung-over, clown-haunted heroes are at it again. Can they conquer their most difficult task yet: trying to decide what to do with their day!? Oh, of course they will! We wouldn’t have an hour long story about people just shootin’ the shit in an office and trying to decide what to do with their morning! Or would we? Seriously, we wouldn’t! They finally get off their butts and go on a quest like, ten or so minutes in. And it’s a very exciting, birthday-based quest!
Hark, dear listener, Satanic Panic is about to take the stage! Are you as excited as I am? I already know the story and I can barely contain my excitement and desire to spoil all the surprises. There’s a monster fight! And music! And a brief but wondrous puppet show! I can’t even go on or I’ll spoil it. Will our heroes end their night on a high note? Or will is an evil force there to make them face the music?
Hark, dear listeners! Our heroes’ Monday is coming to a close, which means it’s time for…*Thunderclap* **Scary Violin Sting** HAPPY HOUR!!! As our heroes descend into the BoneZone without the aid of their friend Maxwell - who has tummy trouble after too many lunch wines (but really Brandon is getting married! Congrats, dude!) - they are beset by rowdy friends, a stern bartender, and a gathering crowd of fans and foes of Agnes and Hobe’s band, Satanic Panic. Will they eat the bar…or will the bar eat them?
Oh, dear listener, our heroes have been cornered in the Records Department by the underpaid interns that haunt these dark corridors of files! They’ll have to fight their way through these tragic, ambitious youngsters if they want to find the information they need buried deep in the depths. But who knows what mysteries lurk in the dimly lit narrows! Perhaps one of our adventurers will stumble upon a lost item and unearth not just the information on the missing photographer, but also the secret of Mama Storybrook’s menacing friendliness? But will their friends wait for them…or leave them behind?
Hark, dear listener! I know you’re probably so worried about your favorite four adventurers! When we last left them, they were about to be torn apart by interns! But wait, aren’t you curious about this big, giant records room? I bet a little, right? Well let’s take a little detour off our tale to learn more about this room. I know a tale from long ago that might put everything in context. A tale of intrigue, danger, and betrayal! It takes place in the year 1964…
Dear Listener, our heroes, now known as the Apple Barrel Gang, have set off on their most pressing of quests: to find the work of the missing photographer! So they embark with the help of an old friend to find the Records Room. But what will they find there? Will it be traps? Will there be terrible college interns? Will there be an adorable old woman who only wants to tell their futures that they intrinsically trust for reasons beyond their control? Listen to my tale and find out!
Oh, dear listener, isn’t this story heating up? Our adventurers have ordered their reputation-saving donuts and decided to take a break from their quest to just kick it at a bar for a bit. You know, dear listener, normal workday stuff. Anyway, they venture into this bar looking for dirt on their nemesis, Alan Bloodskull, and discover a hard-drinking day bar full of colorful characters that they feel they must bother. Will they make some new friends? Will they ever decide what the best apple is? My money’s on Fuji! I love those apples…
Hark, dear listener! This is the thrilling part of our adventure where our heroes set off on their quest to restore their reputation! In the lair of Tracy Vista, boss of the Marketing Department, our heroes are bedeviled by clowns, kitty-cats, triangles, and nudes before setting off to roust some donuts for noble Beardkowski! But they’re about to find out that a there’s a #GucciGang standing in their way…
Greetings, traveler! Now that you’ve gotten your coffee, I can finally start my tale of adventures most mundane! Of four heroes — or villains depending on who you ask — who set out to right the wrongs facing their humble company. Come, listen as I set the stage and introduce the players! For Agnes, Brube, Maxwell and Stuart are off on their quest to get a sweet bonus…unless an old foe cuts their lives (careers) short…
Greetings, traveler! Come and sit next to me at this coffee shop so I can tell you a tale of adventurers brave and bold! Four co-workers who set out on a quest! It’s really a very exciting story, and I know you’re going to love it. But first, can I tell you about leveling up our original characters and introducing the new characters? Come on! It’ll be fun! We make jokes too!
The battle continues to rage as The Bulldogs fight with Schuyler and his cronies. Will the tides turn against our heroes four? Or will a talking crowbar save the day? And once the dust of battle settles, will Brube, Hobe, Orlando and Stuart be able to pull the NPC Inc. shipping department back together, or is it too late for the workers? Find out in this exciting finale!
It’s time for a good ol’ fashion Boss Fight! Labor Distruptor Fight? Yeah! That one! Armed with the knowledge that Reno and Schuyler have been trying to rip off NPC Inc’s shipping department, our heroes only need to escape! But Schuyler and his beefy henchman have other plans. Will The Bulldogs escape, or will they face the vampire’s incredibly boring bite?
The Bulldogs are on the hunt for the Best Lifter trophy! In order to siege the shipping facility’s tower (or two story building, depending on how you look at it) our heroes take a chance and split the party, sending Brube and Hobe to scale the heights and break into the Louis Gimbleglam’s office while Stuart and Orlando distract the workers with a good ol’ fashion forklift fight! Will our heroes find the trophy in time to save NPC Shipping from Schuyler Tantebo? Will history remember Hitch fondly? Find out in this exciting episode!
Having just defeated Orlac Stonebasher and his B-ball(tm) team, The Bulldogs are off to the gloomy warehouse to see what the deal is with the Loading Troll. What terrors—or horses—await them in the depths of this box-filled room? Will they be able to crack the case of why is this Troll is too sad to work? Will they find out who is systematically trying to make the employees miserable? And will Stuart’s Divine Portent ability EVER WORK?
Y’all ready to take it to the rim? Heave that rock? Press that court fully? Well come on and jam with the Bulldogs as they take on their latest challenge: a game of pickup basketball against Orlac Stonebasher and his very tall friends. If they win, Orlac helps and if they lose he’ll just keep playing basketball. This guy is really into basketball! Will the Bulldogs manage to somehow beat real athletes? Or are they about to get majorly dunked on?
On their way to meet Orlac Stonebasher (and maybe to see a really cool horse), our heroes are waylaid by a new, deadlyish enemy: a wight in a windbreaker, flanked by very dull members of the undead horde. Can they fight their way through these part-time terrors, or will they be crushed by an onslaught of boring conversations, bitter retorts, and a lack of humor about a very funny Oprah GIF?
As our heroes delve deeper into the bowels of NPC Inc’s shipping facility they discover a sinister mystery afoot! The shipping workers aren’t slacking, they’re being quietly replaced by more pliant part-time workers sent by some mysterious “labor disrupter” named Schuyler Tantebo. Will our heroes agree to help the shipping facility, or join Reno and Schuyler’s plot to make a quick buck off the outsourcing? Or will they just slack off for the rest of the day to play ping pong in the break room and give DM Alex a much needed confidence boost for his character voices?
It’s time for our heroes to face DM Alex’s most devious puzzle yet…walking past a security guard into NPC Inc’s shipping facility. Will our heroes be able to muster the courage to walk right up to this very normal man and say “Hello”? Or will they spend a majority of this episode devising a terrible plan, only to see it immediately fall apart? Oh, you know it’s the second one!
- Extras -
Pie Tin Tie Pin
Scratchy the Security Guard